I see even the so-called Royal Family has decided to bow to Pope-mania and has postponed the wedding of Charles Windsor to his
horse beloved until the following day. Oh joy! Oh happy day! Now it makes it much more likely that I’ll be able to head down to Windsor (the town not the person) to heckle and maybe raise an objection or two to the wedding.
“Does any person have any just reason why this man and this woman should not be joined together in matrimony?”
“Yes! I do! You cannot possibly marry this
horse woman to a man who thinks he’s a tree! You just can’t! It’d eat all the leaves!”
Of course, I’m not likely to actually do this. Too much of a coward. Or am I? I just have to leave MI5 guessing don’t I? I mean they can’t yet arrest you for what they think you might just possibly be considering doing. Can they?
I just have to get my own back on Charles’ family somehow, if only in print. They seem to have had it in for me over the past 25 years1. First of all his sister Anne ran over my foot when I was sitting on my motorbike in a traffic queue in Kings Cross then in the late 90s his mother tried to knock me off my bicycle while I was cycling around Trafalgar Square. How was I to know that the reason the square was so devoid of traffic was that Mrs Windsor had been turning on the Christmas tree lights and was about to drive off the square in her Bentley? Missed me by about three metres2 and never even stopped to say “Sorry, I didn’t see you”, the usual response from motorists who attempt manslaughter on cyclists especially when the said motorist is driving on the pavement.
1 Both the stories recounted here are true by the way
2 For the metrically challenged that’s about 10 feet
Posted 4 April 2005, 21:23 BST